The Witch King Candleholder
by LovaofLegolas
Summary: Just read it....improved for you format/grammer freaks


Some girl was obsessed with the witch king so she bought a witch king candle holder. When she got it in the mail she put some candles in it then she lit the candles. Then all the sudden, she heard a scream like a ringwraith in agony. She looked down, it was the witch king. The witch king's head grew bigger and became real. He grew a neck and body and limbs and slapped the girl in the face, who's name was Ethel. Ethel began to cry and asked the witch king why he slapped her.  
  
"You lit me on fire you stupid bitch!" the witch king said in a gay, offended voice  
  
"You were supposed to be a candle holder!!" Ethel said tearfully  
  
"I am not a candle holder!! Do I look like a candle holder to you???" the witch king asked  
  
"Well I ordered you in the mail!! And they said you were a candleholder!! I love you!!" Ethel said  
  
"Well, ok I believe you. I'll be mad at the people that said I was a candleholder," the witch king answered  
  
"YES!!" Ethel shouted joyfully. "By the way witch king, what's your real name?"  
  
"My name is Waldo"  
  
"oooh, Waldo...what a sexy name" Ethel said  
  
"What's your name?" asked Waldo  
  
"Ethel"  
  
"Like oh my god are you joking?!?!" Waldo said in a valley girl voice  
  
"No..I'm not..." Ethel answered  
  
"Because, like, I called miss Cleo and she said that my soul mates name was Ethel!!! omg!!!!" Waldo said jumping up and down  
  
"omg she told me my soul mates name was Waldo!! I just didn't want to tell you earlier b/c i thought I'd scare you!!!" Ethel screamed  
  
"Like omg it must be fate!!!!!!!!!" waldo screeched. Ethel and Waldo then shared a passionate kiss and was on a scale from one to ten, on the kissing scale, a 1,000! They then kissed for 76 hours until, unfortunately, Waldo's small lips began to bleed and soon fell off. Ethel quickly drove Waldo and his lips to the hospital where Aragorn, king of Gondor, sewed them back on. Aragorn attempted to kill Waldo because he was a ring wraith, but Ethel assured Aragorn that Waldo had changed his ways now that he found his one true love. Waldo and Aragorn actually became friends. When Ethel went to go get some Doritos from the snack machine, Waldo confessed to Aragorn about how he was so self-conscious about his tiny lips.  
  
Aragorn chuckled "Well that can be fixed my friend!" he said. He shot some silicon in Waldo's lips and instantly made them nice and lusciously kissable. Waldo was so happy that he kissed Aragorn, who slapped him in the face instantly. Then, a little note fluttered out of Aragorn's mouth. It read: These lips are the property of Arwen. Arwen can only kiss them. Now go away.  
  
"Hehe, little trick of my wife's. It's some automatic thing she did, some sort of elf thing. By the way...don't kiss me again freak" Aragorn said. By then Ethel came back and saw Waldo's luscious new lips "Ok we're going home" Ethel said, not taking her eyes off of Waldo  
  
"I put this spell thing on your lips so you can still kiss" Aragorn said "They shouldn't fall off anymore"  
  
When they returned to Ethel's house, Ethel quickly began to kiss Waldo again, passionately. On the kissing scale, this kiss was rated a 100,000,000,000 because of Waldo's new lips. Waldo and Ethel kissed for a month and did more than kissing. Ethel used the error proof test and found out she was pregnant.  
  
"What will my parents say?" Ethel said to Waldo tearfully "We're not married!"  
  
"That can change" Waldo said slyly. He pulled out the One Ring, and got on one knee. "Ethel my love, will you marry me?" Waldo asked with sincerity.  
  
"Oh yes yes yes!!!" Ethel squealed. Then they went and watched Disney's Robin Hood.  
  
They decided they would follow the path of Robin Hood and Maid Miriam. So Waldo got a bow and arrow and Ethel put on a medieval frock, and they went on a killing rampage. They killed a poor innocent young lion who was sucking his thumb, and other innocents. Then they got a full-grown lion to marry them, and made a rabbit come home with them to take care of the unborn child. They decided to purchase a lovely home atop scenic mount doom, but decided the weather was too psychotic up there. So they moved to a secluded area in Middle Earth, as not to be bothered by other creatures trying to kill Waldo.  
  
"Some people are so racist" Ethel said annoyed one day.  
  
Finally Ethel gave birth to a healthy bouncing baby boy-wraith. They decided to name him King in honor of Waldo's past life. Ethel and Waldo had 50 other kids with various names Including "Dark Lord" "Death child".  
  
One day Waldo and Ethel decided to go on a vacation away from their psycho kids. They wanted to go somewhere peaceful, so they visited the Shire. No one recognized Waldo as a ring wraith, as he had on a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts. They stopped by a beautiful hobbit hole with a large oak tree atop it. They knocked on the door and an adorable little hobbit stepped out.  
  
His name was Frodo Jr. and he was the child of Frodo and Suzanne Baggins. Out stepped his older sister Cassandra.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked.  
  
"We came to see this nice hole," Ethel said kindly, wishing her kids were this cute  
  
"Ok, I'll get our daddy"  
  
Frodo came out and slapped Waldo in the face, realizing it was the fag who stabbed him. Who knows how he reached Waldo's face, but he did Waldo began to cry.  
  
"I was controlled by the dark lord then!" Waldo said tearfully  
  
"ok ok come in"  
  
Ethel and Waldo went inside Bag End where, to their surprise, they saw a computer and Frodo's wife sitting at it. Frodo introduced Waldo and Ethel to his wife Suzanne  
  
"Oh I'm just using aim to talk to my friend Jenny. She's an elf living in Mirkwood. Her husband is Legolas the elf"  
  
Then Frodo and Suzanne whipped up a large delicious feast fit for a king which was what they were serving, actually. Ethel, Waldo, Frodo, Suzanne, and Suzanne and Frodo's 10 kids ate joyfully together.  
  
Then they decided to play rugby. The kids killed Ethel. Waldo cried for a month straight, until he realized he himself was also dead because he forgot to eat, and got dehydrated from the tears coming out.  
  
Then Arwen felt remorse. She used her elf magic to give Waldo and Ethel life back, so they could take care of their 50+ kids.  
  
Waldo and Ethel lived happily ever after. 


End file.
